What do Musk's bid for OpenAI and a Dyson Airwrap have in common?

Another day, another trillion dollar temper tantrum

Childhood trauma? Maybe. Drug use? Quite possibly. Because he's worth it? Without a doubt.

If there's one thing Elon Musk has invested in, it's his hair. Thicker, healthier, perfectly tousled. A full-bodied regrowth. And now, he's after Sam Altman's equally gravity-defying quiff—in the form of a bid for OpenAI.

To be precise, OpenAI is already Microsoft and SoftBank's baby. Musk's offer targets the non-profit holding company he initially backed—before he walked away, sued the company, and started muttering about AGI doomsday scenarios between hits of whatever he was on at the time.

OpenAI's founding mission? That superhuman intelligence should be "safe and benefit all of humanity."

Today, there's nothing “Open” about OpenAI. But Musk's bid for the holding company is a calculated way to tangle Altman's plans.

Sam Altman, whose soft voice I hear every time I use ChatGPT, rejected the offer with a playground jab: "I feel for the guy. I don't think he's a happy person."

Which makes no sense. Musk is the richest man in the world, with access to the purest, high-grade pharmaceuticals money can buy. Nothing makes him happier than blowing things up and building them back exactly how he wants.

Realising the sad-Musk angle was weak, Altman presumably prompted ChatGPT to generate something snappier—something more Louis Litt in Suits:

"No, thank you, but we will buy Twitter for $9.7bn, if you want."

Not a lot of Boss B*tch Doje Cat energy here, Sam.

I doubt that had the world's most ruthless lawyers and bankers sweating.

For now, grown-ups acting like kids is a distraction from reality; this is a temper tantrum worth trillions of dollars at least.

At Trump's inauguration, the room was packed with tech titans, media moguls, and billionaires. But conspicuously absent? The three people shaping the AI era: Sam Altman, NVIDIA’s Jensen Huang, and Microsoft’s Satya Nadella.

So, let’s be clear:

AI isn’t about technology, humanity, or progress.

Money wins.

And power follows.

And if that’s where we’re headed, one thing’s clear: the era of the smooth scalp is over.

By now, Musk’s head should look like a lollipop that’s been rolled under the sofa. Instead, we’ve entered a new world order—where hair isn’t just hair, it’s status.

Big, bouncy blowouts, cascading waves, and the kind of effortless volume that takes a whole Olaplex routine and a Dyson Airwrap.

Guess me and Louis Litt are out of luck on this one.

Stay gold. 🙏🏻